I used to be nameless, searching for myself in the safety of other people.
I used to be a man who pined for such severe independence, that I burnt every bridge and built a wire fortress around my heart.
'Don't trust anyone', I used to promise myself.
I once was a rebel, who sold his old musical instruments, packed a bag and went in search of the 'now' on the open road, only to find himself trapped by following anxious plans, playing Peter Pan and living only to eat and sleep.
For two decades, I devotedly constructed a finely-honed persona, creating some Roman ideal on which I could project into the discipline and grace of a 'perfect man'.
For a while I entered the realm of the spiritual, and consulted the zen, the Tao, the iChing and... Deepak Chopra.
There was a time I was a young man, where I could dress up and step into multiple incarnations of myself harmlessly, whole heartedly, freely.
I am older, and find myself always here, always caught in between the idea I used to be, and the man I want to become.
I might not be wild. I might not be young. But I am free.